He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
