Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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