Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
