It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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