I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
