WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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