but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
