Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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