When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm at about main and main street
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
