she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize