Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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