That's intense
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
