Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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