fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
