just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
