i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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