I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
