dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
bring money and cleavage
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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