the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
