he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
