Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
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