you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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