What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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