pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
