hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize