The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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