I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Every concussion has its silver lining
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
