I haven't been this sober since birth.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
