I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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