Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
