omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
