Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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