so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
