Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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