i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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