when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
