well I can't set my house on fire every night
I am spending my child support on dildos
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
