Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
