I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
