you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
