where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Randomize
