we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize