I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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