Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
