You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
