I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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