His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Dear god my vagina.
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