508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
