Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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