first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Couch. On fire.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
