I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
