I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
