a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
