I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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