I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
