I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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