I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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