i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
