I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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