She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Are we still banned from the library?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
