4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize