So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
