You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
