I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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