his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
