Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
