If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want nice things and good sex
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
