I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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